[opening theme music]
Will somebody please cue that bird?
♪ Samurai pizza cats Oooh yeah!♪
♪ Who do you call when you want Some pepperoni?♪
♪ Samurai Pizza cats♪
♪ They're stepping out crime♪
♪ And you know That ain't baloney♪
♪ There's Speedy Cerviche, He's the leader of the bunch♪
♪ A heck of a fighter Makes a heck of a lunch♪
♪ And little Polly Esther Who's never afraid♪
♪ Of going into battle When the bad guys invade♪
♪ Here's Guido Anchovis, A wild romantic rover♪
♪ This cat gets down, down With a love hangover♪
♪ Here come the Pizza Cats They're so bad♪
♪ They've got more fur than any Turtle ever had!♪
♪ They're stronger Than old cheese♪
♪ Stronger than old cheese♪
♪ Stronger than dirt♪
Stronger than dirt.
♪ Step on their tails♪
Get off of my tail!
♪ And you're gonna get hurt♪
Don't hurt me!
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
♪ They're fighting crime All over town!♪
♪ Three, two, one, Pizza Cats are on the run!♪
♪ The Big Cheese is the villain, Who's lower than low♪
♪ It's a rotten shame He lives in Little Tokyo♪
♪ We've got a nasty Bad Bird And some nasty Ninja Crowes♪
♪ As soon as someone Finds the script♪
♪ We might begin the show♪
♪ Sit right back, Pick up your feet♪
♪ And turn the sound up high♪
♪ And if you want the full effect go eat a pizza pie!♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
Oh, boy. We're in deep anchovies now.
What are we going to tell Polly?
Whether I'm a rat or a cat, I don't have to defend myself.
Oh, who am I kidding?
What do you mean I'm overreacting?
[yells]
Oh.
If we're lucky, maybe someone rewrote the next scene.
[narrator] Confused? The boys are late for work,
because they were romancing Lucille.
[yells]
Hiya, boys. What's going on? Cat got your tongue?
[both] Huh?
What do you think, folks? Looks like Polly's got a doppelganger.
I think it's just the rewrites I was hoping for.
You're just lucky she doesn't break into I Feel Pretty.
Would you two like some fresh-brewed tea?
I made your favorite.
Oh, no. It's as I feared.
We're in a sequel of the Stepford Wives.
Huh? Why don't you two stop clowning around.
You know, you're acting like you've never seen a girl before.
What do we do now?
Quick, call the border police.
If she keeps asking so sedate, we may have to medicate.
-Oh, I'm not sick. -Calling the spirit
that has invaded the very fabric of Polly Esther.
By the great pepperoni of pizza power
and commercialism, I command thee, be gone spirit. Be gone!
Return the loud, obnoxious pizza cat to her earthly domain.
Please!
Just say your lines.
[shatters]
Oh, you two are such kidders.
Oh, no. Look at the time. I must be going.
Pardon me, I don't mean to be rude,
but my future is calling.
Future?
Do you think she's read too much "Catmopolitan?"
It's that, or she's trying to do the Vogue.
[narrator] Does this plot really need
such a composed kitty?
I'll show those mangy ally cats that I can be feminine
as the finest feline.
I'm going to Mrs. Retina's modeling school
where they bring beauty out of the beast.
The lovely Polly is wearing a traditional Japanese gown.
My design and your beauty were meant to be together.
Are you ready my dearest?
Remember we had dinner plans.
Come away with me, and I'll design and entire line
of Polly-ware.
Oh, it's going to be absolutely wonderful.
Oh!
Hey, wait. I don't see why I have to change my entire
personality in order to be beautiful.
[narrator] Well, that last statement ought to bring
the house down.
Why do you animators have to take everything I say literally?
Down, girls, down. You'll all get the chance attempt a life
full of shallow relationships, and conspicuous consumption.
We'll help you realize your true potential for just a small fee.
Just sign on the dotted line, ladies. Here you go.
Gee whiz, and actor and a model in the same day.
[narrator] I don't really want to give away the obvious plot
point here, but I smell a rat.
It takes a major talent to prey on the gullibility
of young women.
Do you know where we might find some?
Talent is so intangible in a cartoon
when you're looking for a stereotypical amazon.
Oh, you jest. The woman of our dreams is out there.
The ultimate female fighting machine.
Now apologize for trying to insult me.
Bating them up with modeling contracts
was a stroke of genius.
That's more like it. By the time they figure out this is no
modeling school, it'll--
be too late. Everything is set up, so we should be able
to lose the losers in the first lesson.
[laughs] Animation history will be made.
The bad guy will finally win.
Excuse me, your ratness. But they want Mrs. Ratina.
Wait until you see what wardrobes lined up.
If I hear, "I can't help it that I'm drawn this way,"
one more time, I'll call plagiarism hall monitors
seriously, folks.
Please give a warm welcome to Mrs. Ratina.
Thank you, ladies. Thank you. Don't you just love it?
-Ew. -Yuck,
Welcome to my school. You're all in for a wonderful surprise.
And a one, two, and one.
Life those legs now, ladies.
Yeah, right.
Remember, today's models must have upper body strength.
Don'ts are in.
Come on, girls. One, two, and-- Don't give up.
One, two, three, no pain, no gain.
This isn't exercise, it's torture.
This is worse than watching a Jane Fonda workout tape.
My ninja crows could make sushi out of these babes.
Today's top models must have balance.
That is the purpose our next exercise.
If you can cross that hall without spilling a drop,
you will be exactly what I'm looking for.
You start.
-[screams] -Another bites the dust.
Good. Very good.
-You're the next victim. -Oh.
[narrator] Will Polly suffer the same fate as the pup?
Or will she finally see the rat in Ratina?
Oh, wow. How'd I get drawn into this?
Remember, Polly. You insisted on doing your own stunts.
-Was that really necessary? -Bravo.
Such grace, fury, and brute strength.
You're just what I need.
Something's moldy in this modeling school,
and I think it's you!
Now, now, you're my best pupil.
We don't want to get a reputation for being
a temperamental talent.
Yeah, but, uh--
What's the ninja set up for?
Oh, just a photoshoot.
You'll be on the cover of "Ninja National."
Little 'ol me?
But they always use such
beautiful girls on the cover of "Ninja National."
Well, my dear. You qualify.
[giggles] Golly, I couldn't have been
in a better episode myself. It's like being in a fairytale.
[narrator] Yeah, Gullible's travels.
[chuckles]
It is getting grim in here, isn't it?
The boys will just have to get along without me for a while.
This month "Ninja National," next month "Catmopolitan."
I can't wait to tell Francine.
A telephone. I need a telephone.
[laughs]
Wait a minute, what's he doing here?
[Cheese] So many girls, and so little time.
I should open up a real modeling school.
We made a tiny sum on their fees.
Go legit, boss?
Don't have a cow. I can't change my evil ways.
I'm a character actor.
Choose one, Cheese.
Remember, we need a female ninja.
Equal opportunities strikes again.
This is only the beginning.
Eventually the world will be safe from nasty guys like us.
Bad Bird, you're boring me, and these women are all wrong.
Can't central casting come up with one little ninja?
Hold on to your tail, this one fits the bill, boss.
Oh, yes. Number four.
Agile, quick, good verbal skills,
and most of all, gullible enough to respond
to concentrated ego stroking.
She's great, but we need more.
Tell me, boys. Why do the good
strong ones always have to be so loud and obnoxious?
Probably because the world's full of idiots like you!
[Cheese] Pack her up off training along with the rest.
You should have seen her face when I promised her the cover
of "Ninja National."
It's so strange for our Polly to be so jolly.
Yeah, new and improved, yuck.
The new Polly makes me ill.
-I've got the cure. -Oh, hey Polly.
[Francine] What are you so fired up about?
It's nice to see you acting normal.
This isn't fair. We've been at work all day.
[Speedy] You're going through more character changes
than an improve group!
Uh, I'd like to know what's going on.
The Pizza Cats are going to catch a rat!
[Francine] Watch the sky, you'll see them fly.
Count down to three and come see me
for today we have a specialty.
I know this ain't funny, but bring your money.
Ready, aim, fire!
[narrator] Once again, our fearless feline heroes
champion the course of peace, justice, and freedom,
along with a bunch of other good stuff.
Remember that song Burn baby, burn, disco inferno?
Mother, you're dating yourself in public.
Well, no one else will.
Do you think I should sign up at that modeling school?
Oh, be real.
[narrator] Meanwhile the bad guys continue their plan
of equal opportunity violence.
Alright, you fashion victims, it's time to party.
Okay, boys. Wrap them up.
Hey, wait. Don't forget I give the orders around here.
Okay, boys. Wrap them up!
[Guido] Hey Speedy, what do you think about party crashing?
[Speedy] The bad guys can't have all the fun.
Not fair! You cats are always stealing my scenes.
[Polly] Quiet! It's time for our big entrance!
[narrator] Guido Anchovis, defender of truth, justice,
and the right to bear umbrellas.
You got that right.
I need no introduction.
After all, this has been my show.
Speedy here. I'm one bad cat.
All together now.
[all] Pizza Cats!
You guys spoil everything.
Quit the whining Bad Bird.
This time, you've taken it too far!
You have stolen dreams!
Bird brain battalion attack!
Back off!
That's better.
Long Tall Sally with her head in the kitchen,
and her feet in the hole!
[narrator] That was code for release the secret weapon.
I don't like this.
Oh, no! Another one of the Cheese's robots!
What's going on?
Smells kind of good.
Speedy, it's sleeping powder.
Stay awake! Or this might be our last cat nap.
That worked better than I thought.
Give it your best shot. Hurry up, Sally,
I just can't take the suspense.
[narrator] Will Long Tall Sally make short work
of our superheroes?
What's this? A beacon of hope? A ray of reality?
Alright, alright, I'll shut up and watch.
Yikes, hope I'm getting double skill for this show.
Oh, fun.
Yeah, that was definitely a rude awakening.
-Samurai-- -[both] Pizza Cats!
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
♪ They make great pizza But that ain't all♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
♪ They're ready to fight When you need them just call♪
♪ They know how to stop crime Just do what they say♪
♪ If you don't want a bad time, Stay out of their way♪
Oh, I love those cats.
♪ Samurai Pizza cats♪
The heroes who always wear fur.
Oh, I think I have a furball.
♪ Three, five, seven, nine♪
♪ Why do we sing this crazy Part in rhyme?♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
We're doomed. They past the transformation stage.
Jerry, we've got to find another way!
[meows]
Sally, we're not beat yet!
Oh, no. I think I got a short circuit.
Just my luck. I missed my connection.
Now we got 'em.
Now begin stage two. The dress, you metal misfit.
Repulsive!
I'm mad! I won't put up with anyone as ugly as you
messing with me!
She may be ugly, but she certainly knows
how to defend herself.
-Yep, that's a big sword. -Don't worry, my friend.
So do we.
I think that's the right switch.
Maybe I should be driving. See what I mean?
For some reason, this entire sequence is making me hungry.
Want to go out and eat when we're done?
Sure, Polly.
[narrator] Hulk Hogan, watch out.
It's time to take her out!
Give it up, it's my turn.
Great fight.
[yelling]
Game point!
Well, time for me to spring into action!
What would they do without me?
Listen up you bag of bolts,
you're going to join the trash heap.
When are you guys going to learn you can't mess
with the pizza cats?
Move over!
Huh?
[narrator] This is either the moment we've all
been waiting for,
or Polly's been drinking too much coffee.
Say Sayonara, sucker!
[explosion]
[screaming]
I'll be back!
Boy, that felt good.
To think I actually wanted this job.
Polly, we think you're fine just as you are.
In fact, you're one of the prettiest super heroes we know.
Thanks, guys. Keep it up.
But you know, those character changes weren't so bad.
Yeah, the same old Polly, but better.
Soon you'll be talking to your agent about your image.
"Oh, darling, let's do lunch."
I can see it now. Polly Esther goes Polly Anna.
[laughing]
That's enough!
[narrator] That's the Polly we know and love.
There is a moral to this episode. Being strong and brave
doesn't mean you're not one good looking cat,
or beauty is more than 'fur'dy.
Tune in next time.
On the next--
Pizza Cats.
[narrator] The usual peaceful city of Little Tokyo
is shaken as the big Cheese unveils his latest
dastardly robot, Walkie-Talkie.
It uses a hypnotic voice to stir up the unsuspecting
citizens into calling for Emperor Fred's dismissal.
It isn't long before our heroes get into the act.
They confront the mechanized menace and find it to be
friendly, charming, and one heck of a nice party host.
The Pizza Cats soon realize that they, too,
have fallen under the control of Walkie-Talkie.
They must act, or lost Little Tokyo.
The situation explodes into a battle of tongue twisters,
which threaten to put speech therapy back 100 years.
Peter Piper picked a pack of purple people!
Will the Big Cheese succeed
in getting the Emperor dethroned?
Will the producers of this show take the tongue twisting finale
and spin it off into a brand new game show next season?
Find out next week on "Drumming up trouble with a big bad beat"
on the next Samurai Pizza Cats.
Ladies and gentlemen,
the Samurai Pizza Cat fan club oath.
The Pizza Cats are samurai,
and I'd like to note:
their antics take your breath away
like fur balls in your throat.
We kittens are a special breed.
We never call a retreat.
Whenever Big Cheese knocks us down,
we land upon our feet.
[narrator] So hail to thee, oh, Pizza Cat.
Please ring your little bell.
Although you may be pen and ink,
-we know you'll fight like-- -Pizza Cats!
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
♪ We hope you liked the show,♪
♪ It's the best That we could do♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
♪ If you could do better, Then we'd leave it up to you♪
♪ Just a reminder, You might like to know♪
♪ The cats will be back For another big show♪
Oh, gosh.
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
♪ They're fighting crime Oh, yes♪
♪ All over town♪
♪ Two, four, six, eight♪
♪ Why do we expectorate?♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
Read all the credits so you'll know who did the work.
♪ Samurai Pizza cats♪